Don't make out with my wife yet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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