Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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