it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
