I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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