oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
