There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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