i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
