I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
