Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
