The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
