So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
