If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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