Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
