he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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