You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You ruined the universe
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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