Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
