i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
