I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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