seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
