I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
