i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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