It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
