I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
