I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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