Pappa wants mamma naked
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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