You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
