dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
