dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
