just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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