Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
