I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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