drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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