we should wear snuggies to the strip club
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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