let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
