The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
