i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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