at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
