The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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