My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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