where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
