They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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