we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
