I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
