I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
