I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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