I think i peed on brittanys purse
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
