If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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