Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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