There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
