Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
