Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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