just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
