I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
