yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
