ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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