my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
