you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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