So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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