we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
