But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
someone owes me an orgasm
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
