We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
