READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
